Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My Muse(s)

His eyes brush over me like a light breeze... As he gently unfolds my thoughts and reads them out loud, I smile calmly all the more ready to be unraveled… As he opens Pandora’s box, and lets mysteries of the deep gush out, I manage to catch a few of my own treasures… While he bathes himself with my mind’s juices and my heart’s beating force… I swallow back the few spiders that have escaped from my cave and devour them in the pit of my stomach… As I digest them limb for limb, they cause any eruption of mixed emotions and indeed I vomit them out again but in new forms… They now take a life of their own, needless of my body for a home… They grow through input from others and form a structure of their own design and meanings, yet they belong to me… They have the essence of me…

We gave birth to my creativity.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Flying Kites

Beauty touches my eyes with every glance,
Willingly I live by leaving everything to chance,
They assume my pawns have a weak stance,
But they are unaware that that's just how i dance.
Everyday I watch those ponies prance,
Across meadows and jumping that fence,
Their free and seem to make more sense,
While I'm here merely staring through a lense.

My heart strums its own strings and chords,
Trying to open all those locked doors,
Everyday searching for light through nailed boards,
It is not a hobby nor is it because I am bored.
I live in a world with castles and forts,
Battles and wars won by godly lords,
A petite elf watching mortals slaying boars,
What will she say when she returns to the courts?

Daily i laugh and smile at this game of dice,
Thinking; why do we all gamble away our main prize?
Thinking; how long till we face our own lies?
It wont be too soon till we hear tortured cries.
I'm impatiently waiting for the days of our lives,
When you and i can stop chasing petty mice,
And instead we could just lie on the grass...
and stare at flying kites.

My Remains

My Dear,

I am writing to you from one of my out-of-body experiences. These eyes of mine are anything but new, so then why does it feel as if they have been granted new sight? I see the world speeding on its axel as usual, ceasing to stop for no one. Leaves are blown, blades of grass swept away , and the old pair of shoes by the door reek no more. Where have the years gone by? Perhaps, their hiding behind that cupboard door?

The tree tops have specks of gold thanks to the evening sun, the birds in the horizon return to their branches for the night. When will I go home? I think of you constantly. Meaningful thoughts and important breaths are buried by your prevailing image. Where have the years gone? Perhaps, their hiding behind the waterfall I sit beneath in? Even those icy blades piercing through me, go unfelt when I say your name under my breath. I have no way to escape.

As you can see, I write for days and days, page by page, only of thee. I start out writing about colossal things, but right away using my sword, I pour out my heart. Like the purest of liquids, it flows, feelings, thoughts and images of only you. How can this be?

I feel useless when am away from you. I know it should not be, that’s what I repeat to myself. I beg of you, share your well kept secret of how you breathe like love never came to be? The last strand of hair has fallen from my head. I seek sanity from the being that drives me crazy. Kill me.

Your insane lover.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Evey said "God is in the rain"



"Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
For such disguise as haply shall become
The form of my intent."
- Viola; "Twelfth Night", Act I, Scene II, lines 53-55

Love's Deceit by Big Rube

Pleasure turns to the pain
Of the lessons learned from strain
Of the questions burned in my brain
About whether love is humane in its touch
These thoughts are like salmon swimming
Upstream in the tears of your deceit
Fighting the current hurt that kills
more than is created by the chaos of our intertwined emotions
Chaotic because the anchor of Eros' arrow has been plucked
From the vessel of my undying infatuation
Separation not as simple as the distance between us
My mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been
The overseers of my enslavement to your lies
The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply they've
cracked the foundation of what we once shared
Allowing the faith in us i had sealed inside to gush out
Like a river ripping the image of our future together
From my thoughts as violently and as brutally as if
It were a child being taken from his its mother's arms
I'm left surrounded in darkness but i refuse to be swallowed by it.
My loneliness like the night air
Invisible to the eye
Obvious to the touch
In its cold uncomfortableness
Yet if I could do it all over again
I'd do it in the same skin I'm in
To lay down and let love die
Just stay down and let love lie
No no not I
I'll stay around and let love fly
Even though I've seen its darkest form; Deceit
Nothin else could taste this warm or feel this sweet.

Love Rain by Jill Scott & Mos Def



Love rain down on me,on me,down on me(4x)

Met him on a Thursday,sunny afternoon
Cumulus clouds, 84 degrees
He was brown,deep
Said he wanted to talk about my mission
Listen to my past lives (Word?)
Took me on long walks to places where butterflies rest easy
Talked about Moses and Mumia
Reparations,blue colors,memories of shell top adidas
He was fresh,like summer peaches
Sweet on my mind like block parties and penny candy
Us was nice and warm,no jacket,no umbrella,just warm
At night we would watch the stars
And he would physically give me each and every one
I felt like cayenne pepper,red,hot,spicy
I felt Dizzy and Sonia, heaven and Miles between my thighs
Better than love,we made delicious
He me had,had me he
He had me tongue tied
I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts
I was his sharp, his horn section
His boom and his bip
And he was my love

Love rain down on me,on me,down on me

The rain was fallin and,and slowly and sweetly and stinging my eyes
And I could not see that he became my voodoo priest
And I was his faithful concubine
Wide open,wide,loose like bowels after collard greens
The mistake was made
Love slipped from my lips
Dripped down my chin and landed in his lap
And us became new
Now me non-clairvoyant and in love
Made the coochie easy and the obvious invisible
The rain was falling
And I couldn't see the season changing
And the vibe slipping off its axis
Our beautiful melody became wildly staccato
The rain was falling and I could not see
That I was to be plowed and sowed and fertilized
And left to drown in his sunny afternoon
Cumulus clouds,84 degrees,melody

Love rain down on me,on me,down on me (2x)

(Mos Def:)

I stretch my arms towards the sky like blades of tall grass,
The sun beat between my shoulders like carnaval drums.
I sat still in hopes that it would help my wings grow
So then I could really be fly.
And then she arrived.
Like daybreak inside a railway tunnel,
like the new moon,
like a diamond in the mines,
like high noon to a drunkard,
Sudden...
She made my heart beat in the now, now time signature,
her skin a canvas for ultra violet brush strokes.
She was the sun's painting,
she was a deep cogniac color,
her eyes sparkled like lights along the new city,
her lips pursed as if her breath was too sweet and full for her mouth to hold.
I said:
"You are the beautiful distress of mathmatics,"
I said:
"For you, I will peel open the clouds like new fruit,
and give you lightning and thunder as a dowry,
I will make the sky shed all of it's stars like rain,
and I would clasp the constellations across your waist,
and i will make the heavens your keep.
And they will be pleased to cover you,
they will be pleased to cover you,
May i please... cover you...

...please...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Swirls and Twirls

My magic wand makes everything still,
cause the world is my very own bubble,
in it i can only swirl and twirl,
and watch everyone else slowly curl.
Floating around my playground,
i barely hear any other sound,
other than God's pound after pound,
where he fights round after round.

Watching and listening, that's all i do,
even if didn't, what is it to you?
let me be strong and mighty too,
or delicate and eccentric like my tattoo.
As i look down at you from here,
you should look up at me with fear,
i make dust out of things that are dear,
you'll only see when i'm no longer here.

Think magic and miracles are fairy tales?
filling your head, those once empty pails,
my ship is coming, i see its white sails,
no longer need i stay a fish without scales.
I leave my dress and wand on earth,
i take a last long look at my favourite bird,
i smell the air, trees and dirt,
and i peacefully leave my place of birth.


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Square One

You run into a concrete wall,
trapped in a complicated maze,
given up on dribbling that ball,
just been suffocating in this phase.
The pawn in a strategic chess game,
negotiating for that vital promotion,
ready to sacrifice name and fame,
for treasures hidden under the ocean.
Been working and sweating profusely,
chasing dreams to vague to hold,
people you know laughing amusingly,
soon they'll be the first to fold.

Impatience fuels your perseverance,
you're fighting against the odds,
like Hercules going the distance,
working and connecting those dots.
As you solemly sit and reminisce,
having painful nostalgic pangs,
realizing they've become bags of sense,
filing your once empty, now useful cans.
Soon enough you brush your shoulders,
stand up and stretch your face,
to start moving those boulders,
not to finish, but to win that race.

Running up hills and across deserts,
meeting obstacles becomes a daily affair,
nodding and shaking hands with lizards,
carrying out life's outrageous dare.
Tired of being walked all over on,
pushing your way through the crowds,
feeling like you're all new and reborn,
trying to shut out shouts and doubts.
But you know the Devil's right on your back,
doesn't matter how hard or far you run,
and you hate staring at the fact;
that you're going to stumble back to square one.


Monday, November 30, 2009

Tears of A Nightingale

Time is my dreaded foe...
distance keeps me imprisoned...
while fate waits like a black crow...
i remain patient, kneeling by my window...

Every morning i rise before the sun...
my heart and mind gently stirs me...
For they know i only awake for one...
so i smile because it's you i see...

I hear your voice, as if only beside me...
i sense your breath as warm as summer's breeze...
Your presence illuminates my day and lets me see...
only wonderous things for us to seize...

We talk till the sun reaches her sky...
till your night is deep and dark...
My day slowly dies as you fly...
you leave behind only a mark...

Days and weeks have crawled by...
i've gathered your marks on my being...
When i hear your soft smile i can only sigh...
for its you that i've been missing...

Time is my dreaded foe...
when will he learn to let go...
To let me run to you; my core...
where i will be freed forever more...

Bite Me

I hate it
the fact that i have to shut up
about the things i got to do
everyone has to do some shit
but i just can't take it
so i stubbornly throw a fit.

Now its about the anger
sensing the fatality
of the systematic disaster
oh, how i hate it...
i try and try to gather
but miss it bit by bit.

Pulling my hair out
i hate to be forced into
anything that i rapidly doubt
but i turn away from the clues
cause i cant stand the thought
of failing and disappointing you.



*Dedicated to all the poor souls who
have been forced to do research papers*


Note: Poem still highly applicable to other
shitty situations. Relate it to your own.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Hands I've Held

Skimming through the pages i've written;
the ink describes my self discoveries,
curiosities and unanswered questions.
I smile as i've always known my pages
were missing the beautiful parts
that some of us take for granted,
forget to appreciate and i've let them
sink into petty notes by the side.

Before it's too late, let me take
the hands that have held me, helped me,
even the hands that have pushed me,
shoved me by the side, ones that pulled,
ones that carried me when i fell,
ones i slapped high-fives in the school yard,
that helped me finish stupid assignments,
the hands that held the ends of the jump rope.

Hands that drew pictures of ourselves in the clouds,
that maneuvered bicycles through small alleys,
on the dancefloor,some wiped the sweat off foreheads
that typed me a million and one messages.
Hands that showed me their own worlds
by reaching out to me and pulling me in,
hands that took nothing that belonged to us
that got us bleeding wounds.
I could go on and on and on...we all could
the co-authors of my great adventure...

My mates, buddies, friends and foes;
all but extras in my irrelevant stage production,
they were as real as night and day,
some come and go, few stay forever
but all i heartily remember...
Without these hands i've held,
i wouldn't have survived the world,
i wouldn't have survived myself.

May the pirate ship sail on!
May the adventures never end,
the treasure may never be
as sweet as the journey.
For the hands that i've held,
for the hands that i'll be holding,
no longer notes by the sides,
but truly essence of my crazy concoctions.


*Dedicated to every hand i've held,
especially to the ones that are still holding on.*


Thank you.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Unmasking Dreams


The colours had been melting off a face...
like ink dissolving with water...
i saw it drip onto the surface...
and suddenly disappear like powder...

This is what i saw in my dream;
a bodiless face, with holes for eyes...
colourful and vivid even in the dim...
it was unveiling to no sighs...

Dreams have left me pondering of late,
images that have stayed while some that fade...
I sometimes take heed of these voiceless messages;
the ones i choose to explore its passages.

Messages they may be, or creations of the subconscious...
whatever the form, i see what i wish to see.
Destiny and faith may appear to be a favour,
yet i will hold my own reigns and truly be free.

"Enslaved by our thoughts," said he,
this made me smile at my many 'dreams'...
The lingering wisps of illusion that cloud the sea,
my voyage is at its sweetest when it is mist-free.



Painting: 12__All_Sadness_in_the_World_by_mkedude110791
@ http://mkedude110791.deviantart.com/
@ http://mkedude117.deviantart.com/

Monday, November 23, 2009

Of Sidewalks and Pavements

                Every day I walk on the sidewalk, staring at the cobblestones and kicking loose pebbles. Every day when the wind blows my way, I put my collar up and bury my hands in my pockets. Every day when the sun shines above my head, I wipe the sweat off my upper lip. Every second and passing moment is a beautiful stroke of my brush painting on my canvas of life. The miniscule details are delicate; together the pattern is one of a kind, different from every angle. I display my designs and wear my artwork, kicking loose pebbles, staring at the cobblestones, walking on the sidewalk, everyday…  

                By the pavements, I notice people. Some are squatting and constantly waiting. Some are chatting merrily engrossed in buzzing activity. Some fly by with amazing speed while others crawl past corners sniffing and hiding. Some stand scattered and alone dazed in bubbles of their own making. Some smile while they pace themselves to the farthest horizon. They run, jog, walk and drag themselves…oblivious of me. I watch, learn, cry and smile. Then I turn back to my sidewalk, staring at the cobblestones and kicking loose pebbles.

            When I’m in a rush I run faster sometimes I skip when I’m happiest, or I just collapse by the pavement when I feel tired. I met someone not so long ago, by the pavement. He glowed and made me skip around merrily. I still see him by the pavement and I can’t help but smile and skip along my sidewalk. We talk and talk and listen. He holds my hand. Here I am, smiling with my hand in his.

                Everyday I still walk on the sidewalk, staring at the cobblestones and kicking loose pebbles. I still turn my collar up when it’s cold and wipe my sweat away when it’s hot. I still paint on my canvas and create new patterns of artwork to wear. My heart has always been light and carefree, but now, when I see him, by the pavement waiting for me, it beats faster and faster and I smile unknowingly. My heart, still light and carefree is filled with more joy and love. I skip more and more, he smiles and takes my hand in his. Here I am, still on my sidewalk, only that now I have someone to walk with.

 

 Artwork : Butterfly_Kisses_by_luciole @ http://lucioleloong.com/

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Eternity


the lights grow dim
so i slowly flutter my eyes open
i stare at you standing by my lamp
you see right through me don't you

i lift my hands and reach for you
but you seem further away now
yet you have not moved
i am slightly confused, but i still move

oh my head, it aches..it burns
i remember now... you were here
where i am now, but then
i was crying on my knees

i begged for you
that was all i could do
the room spun, i hit the floor
you closed your eyes

i am here now, reaching for you
i miss you
i love you
forevermore...


Photograph : adoration_by_esdi @ http://esdi.deviantart.com/

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Traveller

Footprints of time glaze the surface 
His deep sighs lift the desert's music 
Once upon a time, he lost his compass
Far and wide he was forced to seek
But instead, only to discover man's curse
A secret in a chest at the highest peak.

From birth he has walked across many plains
Barefoot under the scorching heat
Explored the jungles of concrete, the tropics
Even the one hardest to beat...
Filled with dark caves and webs of deceit
Where few venture and most admit defeat.

Now long-limbed, supple and still young at a glance
He is already tired of mock discoveries
He now, like many, yearns to make sense
Of the signs and images of forgotten stories
Yet it just feels as he's peering through a lens
He has only this, no other worries...

Majestic Queen

She awakens to the sound of thunderous drums
Her soul shakes in its temple
Vibrating with power and fury
No longer in chained shackles

The source illuminates with power
Exploding and engulfing her in bright light
It is time to bend her head lower...
It is time to gift her with sight...

Blinding are the rays of freedom
Heavy was the burden of illusion
Splendorous is the view from her kingdom
More alive than any thriving passion

She sits quietly by her throne
Gazing into the never-ending horizon
Breathing softly she no longer longs
for the deep mysterious unknown...

Her palms lie gently among the folds of her robe
Her gaze shifts to the inside
She shuts her never-opened eyes
and never returns..

Friday, November 6, 2009

Icarus


the clouds have cleared
and the sunglight breaks in
piercing through the cracks in the sky
the ground breathes relief with each ray

a smile draws itself on my face
i am weightless once more
my wounds close and turn to only scars
as i gaze into the distance where the horizon awaits

wings burst forth from my shoulder blades
my hair is long once more
the wind is coming from the east
i take off my sandals and wait by the beach

it is coming, i can smell it, hear it
over the crashes of the waves
i can hear it reaching me
it's coming... it's coming... it is here!

ahh and i let go and fly...
high above the sea and lands...
i glide effortlessly
as if the universe is mine

the sun is closer and warmer
i feel the heat on my face
on my feathery wings..
"beware of the sun" i was told
and this i must hold.


Artwork: Icarus_Completed_by_dfbovey @ http://dfbovey.deviantart.com/

Thursday, November 5, 2009

A Nightmare Monologue: Killing Me Softly


I am trying to be alright. I try to lie and trick myself to fight. I am trying to be alright.

I am trying to do me. I write and dream and be. I am trying to do me.

I am trying to laugh and smile. I pull myself up and walk my mile. I am trying to laugh and smile.

I am trying to sleep peacefully. Instead i toss and turn and wake feeling damaged internally. I am trying to sleep peacefully.

What do I do? Now that tears can’t streak down my face and my head is anchored at a tragic bay. Now that I push and pull with all my might, but only to move around in circles, over and over and over. I try and try and try, I slip in and out of dreams and reality. If this is not madness already, I beg for it to come quickly and numb me. I try and try and try. I smile and smile then I cry.  I don’t understand why I now can’t do what my mind is telling me to. I did it before didn’t I? When I thought I would and could never strike. I relive the agonizing pain, but why am I questioning it? I know the answer, because I breathe it. Now I’m left wondering, what would cure my pain; this disease? During the day I dream, I dream, I dream. In my mind I think, I plot, I worry and oh when I sleep…  I am tormented by the one deeper within me. Where is 'me'?


Painting: Eve_Fights_Off_the_Shadows____by_jasinski @ http://jasinskiart.blogspot.com/


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Lonesome


am chained to my chair
and trapped in this room
why must things be fair
even when darkness looms

i feel like a caged bird
missing the wide open spaces
i feel like i've been curbed
and am quickly loosing my many faces

i know this is for the best
but i just cant help the loss
i understand this is no test
but you're my love, my source

minutes, hours and days will pass...
every second i am missing you so
for you i will conduct this fast
food, water and air no more

i am so lonely...
my song is tuneless
my paintings are colourless
and my writing; emotionless

i am so lonely...


Artwork: Before_Dark_by_EdgarT @ http://edgar-t.deviantart.com/


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Venom


The blood in my veins have poison
suck it out before it kills me! 
Before it takes me to liaison
with the devil without a fee. 

i feel it seep and spread through, 
like that infectious disease, 
like a predator on the move, 
evolving like a dangerous new species. 

My fingertips vibrate and pulse,
i hear the blood gush inside my head, 
i then stare at the nails covered in rust, 
and wonder how time has started to fade. 

I used to express myself through movements, 
by flowing and making odd gestures, 
now i trudge solemnly by life's pavements, 
and only dream about those once green pastures.

The poison has given birth to a terrible monster,
questions and answers have deceived me...
So here i lay and ponder, trying to foster
all my energy to one day be sucked free.


Artwork: Snake_by_Dandebird @ http://dandebird.deviantart.com/


Monday, November 2, 2009

A Story



It all begins with a leap…
handicapped and frail i weep,
sitting below the mango tree
and feeling all but free.
Lost and hollow i now be…
forever more and further i flee
trying to grasp those lost at sea
but their swimming out my hands you see…
Waving silently at people so merry
while sitting and sulking in misery,
while they dream pleasantly,
while i perish slowly,
This is how it be…
I've forgotten happy things…
my memory of them sinks
heavier and tighter are the steel links
i've forgotten happy things…
I try to trick myself and lie,
while i smile, inside i die
other times i am numb and sigh,
and dream about how we used to fly.
I don’t want to tell sad stories,
or paint dying lilies,
i'd rather travel through cities
begging for ‘priceless pennies'.
It all begins with a leap…
handicapped and frail i weep,
sitting below the mango tree
and feeling all but free.

Photograph: Story_by_ManishaJM


Eureka

I stagger frequently
i waver religiously
and i fall constantly,
i do it all repeatedly...

My platter is as full i make it
my dish; as colourful as i set it
and my glass; as full as i see it,
i do it all bit by bit...

Then why can't i...

Do the things i need to
complete the work i have to
and create the things i want to
i try to do it all and fail to...

It is now clear as day
why my mind was astray
for i could never begin to say
how much i seldom worked and was all play.
However, my mind was triggered today
by some things that may
make or break my way
and force me to pay.

Goodbye to aimless whims
so long to deadly pills
sayonara to painful ills
and au revoir to owed bills.
Hello to no-more-frills
good day to powerful deals
vanakkam to the sun and hills
and bonjour to my 'quills'.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

"Symbiosis" by Pilobolus

Sparks countless thoughts and emotions...
Oh, what joy to create, express and appreciate such splendour...

There is no science without art, like there is no art without science.

"Cant you see, we are meant to be."


Saturday, October 31, 2009

Phantom

phan·tom also fan·tom .

1. a. Something apparently seen, heard, or sensed, but having no physical reality; a ghost or an apparition.
b. Something elusive or delusive.
2. An image that appears only in the mind; an illusion.


In that accident,
where we got hurt,
and i was amputated,
they took you away from me,
but i still need you...
i still want you...
and i still feel you...

In the dark corners of my mind;
you appear bringing light,
and i follow your trail,
lost deep in the midst,
for i still need you...
i still want you...
and i still feel you...

I know you're not there,
but you always just reappear,
and i drown all over again,
which is all i really want,
because i still need you...
i still want you...
and i still feel you...


...right here.



Coldplay - The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm goin' back to the start.

Ohhhh oooooo
Ahhhh oooooo
Ohhhh oooooo

Ohhhh oooooo


the vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNwQeedQfZE&feature=related

Friday, October 30, 2009

Let Love Be

I always told people; those who'd listen, that two things people never stopped fussing over were still the two biggest mysteries in the world; god and love. They maybe one thing to those who believe god is love and love is god. But for I, to pen my thoughts in the simplest of ways, they are exclusive even though dependent. Billions of people express it, try to understand it, teach it and live it yet it still can’t be understood by those who have experienced even parts of it. Those who claim they have never known love, live either under a coconut or in denial. Failing to accept that you can love or are being loved or should love at all is foolish. Just as foolish as love itself. 

It’s a beautiful thing because it is imperfect. We lesser mortals love love itself. Because it is imperfect, just like ourselves. If it was perfect, it would be robotic, monotonous, boring, or plain divine. But because love shares borders with catastrophe, fantasy and reality it is addictive. It is most certainly not a drug, it is more like fuel. Less like air, more like fuel. You can live without love, you can’t live without air. But with love, you feel like living forever. Before you couldn’t wait to die, as earth was part of hell anyway. But lunatic love so sweet and so harsh makes life worth living. It’s passionate and raw, pain and pleasure, furious and calm. Two faces of the same coin. Love drives the sane mad and the mad sane. Few embrace it for few can take such change. Love is deep not ever shallow. Shallow are those who deem love beneath them. Shallow are those who turn the other way. Love is omnipresent (much like god) for a reason, it is in you and it is you. It is me. It is she. It is he. Let love be. 

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Slow Death

pain pain pain
it hurts so bad
i feel like vomiting all the time
and my head spins and spins and slams
my chest aches and stings
my legs can't carry me
my hand trembles
and my voice shakes
i truly cannot breathe
i choke on air
it hurts so bad
pain pain pain

it hurts deep....so deep..
it hurts inside and out
your words are like bullet wounds
i am taken down each time
but at least i see you and it's me you shoot
it's me you gaze upon and it's me that you are angry at
it hurts deep....so deep..

you are dying and so am i
i know that for a fact
i can give up on me but i can't give up on you
you are more important to me
don't ask why for its meant to be
i loved you every second
and i will love you every second more
my shallow words don't mean anything
they are like pebbles thrown at a mountain
but i wont stop for...
you are dying and so am i

this is not therapy
this is a plea
please please please
don't let go of me
i can never hate you
i am only begging you
stab me and stab me
i hurt i bleed i scar
take me take me take me
this is not therapy

Shadows of a Statue

she stands before the crowd
elegantly poised even in her bare
the people admire
awestruck
she is perfection in the least
they whisper, they talk, then shout her name

her creator has done his part
the rest he leaves to her
she in unveiled, there she stands
and will always stand

her cold heart beats in its stone cell
even her icy stare staggers the strong
taller than most, meeker than some
bewildered even she

I Am Me

the music notes inside me
play like an orchestra
it can only be
my soul's mantra

i am an interesting machine
as i have no power source
am as soft as a cushion
yet hard and coarse

silvery webs of thought
shimmer across the plains of this field
i fear only those i create here
paint pictures that are gray but clear
sway with the wind and sit by the pond
for where i stray i bring many along

dancing through the storm
in my dainty ballet shoes
i fly to your castle in my sun dress
slight smirks leave trails behind
blossoms bloom all around

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Your Beautiful Light

you shine to me
you make me shine
don’t you see
you're one of a kind

this is what you are inside
an explosion of unexplainable splendour
in you and only you i confide
now i feel i've been pushed further..
and further..

don’t do it
i don’t want to
loose you bit by bit
i wont know what to do

i will still be what i am
a blade of grass in the meadow
but how do i glow without my light
that makes me grow

i drowned in the well of mine
i am now bare
your light it shines
it gives me air

bring me back to life
reborn; i will shine again
brighter than before the dive
before all the pain

so show me your light
let me run to you
you know i will fight
for you and only you


for your beautiful light…

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Cracked Mirror

into the looking glass i peer
not to see a maiden so dear
but instead to spit on my reflection
disgusted by my imperfection

i changed my face today
to hopefully wash my sorrows away
but instead i saw the same person
only tainted and broken

my hands are bloody, my eyes soar
the nihilist laughs at my fall
the optimist now a cripple
shudders when she looks at her devil

once we laughed and sang
how i wish we were back to how it began
i was once 'the hope' and 'the light'
how i regret taking that awful bite

into the looking glass i peer
not to see a maiden so dear
but instead to spit on my reflection
disgusted by my imperfection

Monday, October 26, 2009

On The Ledge

i stand at the tip i heard only as myth
familiar but distant as though never ever
i reek of fear and grief as i stand at this tip

my being aches so
its been torn by my own hands
i am helpless in this state
i knew not how to give up
now i know not that what is fight

the tip is inviting
the fall even more
no need of flight just the fall
i deserve not to breathe this air
i deserve not to think of him

i poisoned the thing most pure
and i hurt the being most sweet
all for my lost aimless self

i blame only i today
yet i wish to be rid of the pain
i tremble when i speak
i am weak

i remember how to smile, but it is a gift to great
the fall is easier
i wish to be buried in a hole and die today

i will only stand; at the tip,
for the rope i was bore with holds me back
my parents bled for me to live
i cannot be selfish again

i will crawl and live for them to pay what i owe
but i will die inside
for i extinguished my one true flame

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Utopia


It waits for me
not at the end of the road
but deep in my mind
behind the webs of illusion
my true home hides within.

Where freedom is actually free
and smiles are abundant
no need for hope 
for there will be no wants.

I yearn to be light and naked
swimming with my thoughts
and thoughts alone
leaving my trivial attachments behind.

My utopia awaits…


Photograph: Utopia_by_valkirye

http://www.valkirye.com/

Friday, January 30, 2009

Change


My journey has been short,
however its far from over.
My ship is not ready to port,
even though I long for my lover.
The end of the beginning
and the beginning of a new chapter,
I’m done with killing
innocent bypassers that didn’t matter.

Now be ready to join me
on my voyage of a new adventure.
No longer will you only see,
it’s time for you to capture
the beauty of life at its best.
Be by my side and together
we'll learn and grow fast,
with as much as we can gather.

The past has paved the roads
of yesterday's memories,
the future is filled with codes
of undeciphered mysteries.
My head is filled with bright ideas
and renewed passion…
Like those of a thousand fires,
we'll create pure fusion.

I could choose to travel alone
like how I used to…
walking surely and never fond
of people like you.
But I sense a dead end there,
secrets of old were still secrets,
they had nothing to bare,
I ended up back to my original square.

Maybe I need to join hands
and travel through lands,
with both an open heart and open mind,
to realize what I need to find.
Maybe you are looking too…
searching like how I do
But I never knew…
since I did not talk to you.


photograph: journey_by_ElectronCloud
http://www.gwendolynkraehenfuss.de/

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Truth


The Truth

will destroy you, thus you fear it.

is greater than you, thus you flee from it.

is a lie to you, so you refuse to believe it.

is foreign to you, so you do not recognize it.

is barbaric, so you are afraid.

is raw and real, but you know you are not.

is proud and headstrong, but you are ashamed and weak.

is not new, but you pretend you've never heard of it.

is powerful, but you cannot handle it.

is too much, and you are not ready.

is you are living a lie.

*photograph: Blinded_by_truth_by_lorrainemd*

http://www.lorrainedaley.com/


Thursday, January 1, 2009

My God

The melodious sound of love
Oh how beautiful it sings.
My heart is filled with joy,
it beats faster as I creep closer
to the source of world's love…

We have met, once upon a lifetime
Where I was nothing but light and sound, 
waiting to be called upon.
Then you summoned me, 
from the ashes of my brother,
and I came to be.

We meet again, even if it is
In this wretched place.
You illuminate my darkest days. 
With one look I sway, 
With one word I fall,
Into a deep slumber
of stillness and peace.

Your love so true
I cease to believe in all others
Whether things or beings
It is only you I see.
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