A Nightmare Monologue: Killing Me Softly

I am trying to be alright. I try to lie and trick myself to fight. I am trying to be alright.

I am trying to do me. I write and dream and be. I am trying to do me.

I am trying to laugh and smile. I pull myself up and walk my mile. I am trying to laugh and smile.

I am trying to sleep peacefully. Instead i toss and turn and wake feeling damaged internally. I am trying to sleep peacefully.

What do I do? Now that tears can’t streak down my face and my head is anchored at a tragic bay. Now that I push and pull with all my might, but only to move around in circles, over and over and over. I try and try and try, I slip in and out of dreams and reality. If this is not madness already, I beg for it to come quickly and numb me. I try and try and try. I smile and smile then I cry.  I don’t understand why I now can’t do what my mind is telling me to. I did it before didn’t I? When I thought I would and could never strike. I relive the agonizing pain, but why am I questioning it? I know the answer, because I breathe it. Now I’m left wondering, what would cure my pain; this disease? During the day I dream, I dream, I dream. In my mind I think, I plot, I worry and oh when I sleep…  I am tormented by the one deeper within me. Where is 'me'?

Painting: Eve_Fights_Off_the_Shadows____by_jasinski @ http://jasinskiart.blogspot.com/