I am surrounded by light that blinds me, that shines on me, that consumes me. Amidst this light, it feels foreign but still good. Strange but still familiar. New but nevertheless exciting. I’ve always imagined it, I knew it would be like this, but not exactly like this. I’ve seen this play so many times before, as if I was acting in it myself. So calculated, so in tune, so perfect. It plays as well as an orchestra plays symphonies. I made this and now it’s done, I am here, at last. I made this feeling, and now I have it. I made this dream, I’ve chased it, and now I’ve caught it.
***
What if I never made it? What if I never imagined it? What if I never thought of it? Would I have ever reached these heights? Would I have had a peak? Any peak? Could I live without a mountain to climb? Would i? Would I choose to do it all again? To create this stage, to imagine this victory, to feel this triumph… to stand amidst this light once more. Could I? Would i? If it came from my head, shouldn’t I relive it every day? Instead of setting my own parameters, shouldn’t it already be in the palm of my hands? Not something far away, where I have to fight across to. So what do I do?
***
What are dreams? Where do dreams come from? Where do they belong? When do dreams come true? Do I need a dream? Do I want one? Why do I dream? What if I never dreamed? What if I never built castles in the air? What if I lived every day without chasing something I made up? Rather to live every day the way it is, walking along rather than running and chasing an abstract form. The more I chase, the more this form becomes concrete. The faster I run the harder I hit that very concrete wall. I am then in the room I created, the room I built, the room filled with light.
***
I could run, but I don’t want to. I could win, but I don’t want to. I could have it all, but I don’t want to. Not anymore. Not like this. I’ve had it all, all along. I still have it, I can make it appear and disappear as much as I like. I can stand in the light as often as I want. I could have always done it. Makes me want to laugh and cry! But I won’t, I don’t have to. Instead I’ll just smile, as I walk into my light, where I will always be. Never to leave. Here is my light, here is my peace, here is me. Here is where I will always be.
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